Holy Water

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

Not so grape…

What did the grapes say when they got run over?

Nothing, they just let out a little wine.

Calendar Manufacturer

I used to have a job at a calendar manufacturer but got fired because I took a couple days off.

Kleenex

How do you make a Kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it.