You’re going to have to stop

Doctor: “Look, you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”

Patient: “Why?”

Doctor: “Because I’m trying to examine you!”

Have you ever been bedridden

An old lady is being examined by a doctor who asks her: “Have you ever been bedridden?”

The old lady smiles and says: “I certainly have and I’ve been table ended and back skuttled a few times too!”