Toothpaste

I dropped my toothpaste this morning.

I was Crestfallen.

Dentist

What time did the man go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.

Four Year Old Son

I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants…

He’s not buying it. In fact, he’s still making fun of me.

Kleenex

How do you make a Kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

Ordered the Duck

I tried a new restaurant this week. I ordered the duck.

It was good, but the bill was hard to swallow.

Holy Water

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.