Holiday Jokes

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Democrats believe every day is April 15.

You get red, white, and blue balls!

I’d be stunned if this is an original joke, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to ~~sack~~tap this rich vein of testicular patriotism on the day when it’s most appropriate.

Sulk.

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Every year the family held a big family 4th of July picnic complete with hot dogs, burgers, fried chicken and all the side dishes.

Two elderly aunts, Nellie and Ellie, were retired school teachers. It was an unmentioned fact that both ladies suffered from incontinence and wore protective undergarments.

Nellie asked the kids if they knew what holiday we were celebrating. They all answered, “4th of July.”

Ellie said, “That’s the date but does anyone know the real name?”

Little Steven hollered, “I know! I know! … It’s In Depends Aunt’s Day.”

British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July.

When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea

I was asked to announce the 4th of July parade in my small hometown. Was wondering if anyone here has been at a parade and heard something funny.

The only thing to work off of right now is that Josh Duhmel is announcing the 4th of July parade in a larger town about 20 minutes away.

Thanks

A Fire Cracker.

After the fireworks are finished for the night, Jesus asks God: “Was that a blast or what?!”

To which our Lord and saviour replies: “What these humans celebrate is sinful. However,” God continued, “I will admit it was a blasphemy.”