Holy Water

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

Dad?

“Dad?” —Zebra looking at a piano
– Sam Grittner

Beat Husband to Death

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with a guitar.

Judge says “First offender?”

Woman says “No, first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

Tennis Shoes

Her: “Magazines are actually cheap. You can get ten issues for $10.”

Me: “Wow that is cheap. I actually need a new pair of tennis shoes.”

What starts with e

What starts with e, ends with e, and only has one letter in it?

An envelope.