Unlawful vs Illegal

What’s the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.

Calendar Manufacturer

I used to have a job at a calendar manufacturer but got fired because I took a couple days off.

Rocks

Why don’t rocks like to talk to people?

Because we take them for granite.

Tennis Shoes

Her: “Magazines are actually cheap. You can get ten issues for $10.”

Me: “Wow that is cheap. I actually need a new pair of tennis shoes.”