Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
What does a baker put on his bed?
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging.
They’re going to be Fed-Up from now on.
“Dad, did you get a haircut?”
“No, I got them all cut.”
Where do mermaids see movies?
Why did the can-crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda-pressing.
I said to my dad, “What rhymes with orange?”
He replied, “no it doesn’t.”
Where do rabbits go after they get married?
On a bunnymoon.
I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
I can’t seem to put it down.