Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What did the hungry Dalmation say?
That hit the spot!
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or Twist?”
Did you hear the one about the statistician?
What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like tea?
AN ABRIDGED HISTORY OF MEDICINE: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2020 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
What do phones and dogs have in common?
They both have collar I.D.
Dwayne the bathtub! It’s overflowing!