A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts.

A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door.

“Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!”

Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

Man hears compliments

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.

A minute later he hears, “You look great. Have you lost weight?” He looks around, but there’s no one near.

Again, a minute later, he hears, “You know, you don’t look a day over 30.” Looks around again, no one but him and the bartender, so he asks, “Did you hear that?

The bartender says, “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”