Why did the computer show up at work late?
It had a hard drive.
A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts.
A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door.
“Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!”
Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
Hamburger Helper Comes with a Friend
Yo mama so stupid…
she thought hamburger helper came with a friend.
How do you confuse a blonde?
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.
What did the reindeer say before telling his joke?
What did the reindeer say before telling his joke?
This one’ll sleigh you!
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?
It’s been nice gnawing you.
What is the Mexican weather report?
What is the Mexican weather report?
Chili today and hot tamale.
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Man hears compliments
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
A minute later he hears, “You look great. Have you lost weight?” He looks around, but there’s no one near.
Again, a minute later, he hears, “You know, you don’t look a day over 30.” Looks around again, no one but him and the bartender, so he asks, “Did you hear that?
The bartender says, “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”